Jokes
Bill and his wife Blanche go to the Yorkshire Show every year,
And every year Bill would say,
" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that there 'elicopter"
Blanche always replied,
" I know Bill, but that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid,
And twenty quid is twenty quid! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,
" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.
If I don't ride that there 'elicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid"
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's twenty quid. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't..
I'm impressed! "
Bill replied,
" Well, to tell you t'truth
I almost said summat when Blanche fell out,
But tha' knows,
twenty quid is twenty quid!
And every year Bill would say,
" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that there 'elicopter"
Blanche always replied,
" I know Bill, but that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid,
And twenty quid is twenty quid! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,
" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.
If I don't ride that there 'elicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied,
" Bill that 'elicopter ride is twenty quid, and twenty quid is twenty quid"
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's twenty quid. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,
" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't..
I'm impressed! "
Bill replied,
" Well, to tell you t'truth
I almost said summat when Blanche fell out,
But tha' knows,
twenty quid is twenty quid!
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp.. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
legs who agrees with everything I say.."
Ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for
Their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's
Yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the
Order. "That will Be $9.40 please" The man
Reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
Change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come
Again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries
And a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and
Pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
"The usual?" Asks the waitress. "No, this is
Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
And a salad," says the man. "Same," says the
Ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order
And says, "That will be $32.62." Once again
The man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
And places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any
Longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to
Always come up with the exact change in your
Pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
Cleaning the attic and Found an old lamp.. When
I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
Two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had
To pay for anything, I would just put my hand
In my pocket and the right amount of money
Would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people
Would ask for a Million Dollars or something,
But you'll always be as rich as you want for as
Long as you live!"
"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,"
Says the man.
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second
Wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long
legs who agrees with everything I say.."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Guts vs Balls
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they however, know the difference between them?
Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere? "
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say:
"You're next, Chubby"
I trust this clears up any confusion........medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome; both are fatal
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they however, know the difference between them?
Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere? "
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say:
"You're next, Chubby"
I trust this clears up any confusion........medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome; both are fatal
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
*Italian Cruise*
A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into the ocean.
Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man
stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and
we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
care of you, bring you food every
day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're
alive"
With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but
comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.
From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red
wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine
inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and
I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," The captain says.
Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into the ocean.
Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man
stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and
we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
care of you, bring you food every
day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD you're
alive"
With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but
comfortable compartment in the ship's hold.
From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red
wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine
inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and
I get a free trip to Italy."
"I see," The captain says.
Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's
screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one,
"ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible!
At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged
me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle
platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two
metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze
ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp
five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"What 'appened zen?
"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze
parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and
'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your
burme!'"
"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle, at ze beginning."
After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one,
"ow 'av you been doing?"
"Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible!
At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged
me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle
platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two
metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"And zen what 'appened?"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze
ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
"And did you jurmp?"
"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp
five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity'."
"What 'appened zen?
"
"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze
parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and
'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your
burme!'"
"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"
"A leetle, at ze beginning."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Two Irish men, Paddy and Mick, were adrift in a life boat.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions Paddy stumbled across an old lamp.
As you might expect, he rubbed it vigorously and sure enough, as you might expect, out popped a genie.
This genie however was a little different. He said he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought, Mick blurted out,
"Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Guiness!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned
thirst quencher. His abbreviated work done, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Paddy looked disgustedly at Mick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Paddy said, "Nice going idiot!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
While rummaging through the boat's provisions Paddy stumbled across an old lamp.
As you might expect, he rubbed it vigorously and sure enough, as you might expect, out popped a genie.
This genie however was a little different. He said he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought, Mick blurted out,
"Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Guiness!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned
thirst quencher. His abbreviated work done, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Paddy looked disgustedly at Mick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Paddy said, "Nice going idiot!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold
cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mum?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then
began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'are you giving up?'
Larry's class were on a field trip to their local police station
where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10
most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really
was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to
capture him.
Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture ? "
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and
chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to
make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the milkman wants to
buy Mom .....'
cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mum?' he asked.
'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then
began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry 'are you giving up?'
Larry's class were on a field trip to their local police station
where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10
most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really
was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to
capture him.
Larry asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his
picture ? "
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and
chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to
make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the milkman wants to
buy Mom .....'
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Lovemaking Tips For Seniors
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
*So True *
Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you only dress yourself.
The Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed.
A 6th grade science teacher, Miss Park, asks her class,
"Which human body part increases 10 times its size when stimulated ?"
No one answers until little Mary stood up, angry, and said
"You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that!
I'm going to tell my parents, and they will tell the principal, and you'll
get fired"
She then sat down....
Miss Park ignored her, and asked the question again. "Which part of your
body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated ?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her in a loud
voice,
"Boy, is she gonna get big trouble"
Miss Park, "Anybody ?"
Finally, Little Johnny (the bright one from Yorkshire) stood up, looked
round nervously, and said,
"The part of the body that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is
the pupil of the eye"
Miss Park said, "Very good Johnny."
She then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you young lady, I have three things to say,
First, you have a dirty mind...
Second, you don't read your homework...
And third..,
"One day you are going to be very disappointed"...!!!
*In the Bag*
A teacher said to her class,
"Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess
it.
This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your
thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said,
"It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and
with a red nib." "Johny, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher.
" no it's a match, but i like your thinking." said Little Johnny.
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended
I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -
You're supposed to turn your clock back".
*And another Problem...*
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave.
For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!
Safe Sex*
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore .....
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot
by the woman's husband.
A man goes into W.H.Smiths and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy..."
Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you only dress yourself.
The Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed.
A 6th grade science teacher, Miss Park, asks her class,
"Which human body part increases 10 times its size when stimulated ?"
No one answers until little Mary stood up, angry, and said
"You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that!
I'm going to tell my parents, and they will tell the principal, and you'll
get fired"
She then sat down....
Miss Park ignored her, and asked the question again. "Which part of your
body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated ?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her in a loud
voice,
"Boy, is she gonna get big trouble"
Miss Park, "Anybody ?"
Finally, Little Johnny (the bright one from Yorkshire) stood up, looked
round nervously, and said,
"The part of the body that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is
the pupil of the eye"
Miss Park said, "Very good Johnny."
She then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you young lady, I have three things to say,
First, you have a dirty mind...
Second, you don't read your homework...
And third..,
"One day you are going to be very disappointed"...!!!
*In the Bag*
A teacher said to her class,
"Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess
it.
This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl. "no it's an apple, but i like your
thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said,
"It's a kiwi miss." No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and
with a red nib." "Johny, thats disgusting!" shouted the teacher.
" no it's a match, but i like your thinking." said Little Johnny.
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended
I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked -
You're supposed to turn your clock back".
*And another Problem...*
My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out.
What used to be my pride and joy, Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord, From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job, To find the friggin thing.
It used to be embarrassing, The way it would behave.
For every single morning, It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches, It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head, And watch me tie my shoes!
Safe Sex*
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore .....
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot
by the woman's husband.
A man goes into W.H.Smiths and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
"That's the one; I'll take a copy..."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
An Irish Painter
A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch
limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time
anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the
woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to
pay up to $10,000.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he
went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much
about
the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but
finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer
portrait missus ," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude
all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to
wipe me brushes."
Gotta love the Irish................
A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.
One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch
limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time
anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the
woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she was willing to
pay up to $10,000.
Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he
went into the house to confer with Mary, his wife. They talked much
about
the Rightness and Wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but
finally his wife agreed, on one condition.
In a few minutes he returned. "T'would be me pleasure to paint yer
portrait missus ," he said "The wife says it's okay. "I'll paint you in the nude
all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to
wipe me brushes."
Gotta love the Irish................
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine.
He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Frank. The midget."
He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Frank. The midget."
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the
fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
So, he asks the man his name. "Fred" the driver replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that
he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it.
"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the
time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades."
"When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so
I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my
degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant.
She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD."
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was
Fred Dingaling MD with VD."
"Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of
the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD."
Then the VD took away my dingaling . . . so now I'm just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the
fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
So, he asks the man his name. "Fred" the driver replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that
he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it.
"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the
time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades."
"When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so
I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my
degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS."
"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant.
She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD."
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was
Fred Dingaling MD with VD."
"Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of
the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD."
Then the VD took away my dingaling . . . so now I'm just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
Bit of advice. Buy a good bed and a good pair of shoes, because if you aren't in one you'll be in the other.